Bloodline by Jess Lourey was a very intriguing and different read. The whole time I was reading it I felt as if I was watching an episode of The Twilight Zone. I could not put this book down. Honestly, it was a little bit creepier than most books I read, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.
This story is inspired by real events. Joan Harken is a pregnant journalist, who is excited, but also cautious, about moving back to her Fiance’s Minnesota hometown, Lilydale. Lilydale’s motto is: “Come Home Forever” and Joan feels it couldn’t be more inviting. Except, something about it all feels off. She feels the friendliness is almost intrusive. Joan feels like everything she is doing is being watched and tracked. An archaic organization holds the town in thrall and so does the mystery of a little boy who vanished decades ago. Her fiance just keeps telling her she is paranoid, but Joan feels like she may have moved to the deadliest small town on earth.
This book was very different from a lot of the books I read. It was almost was too creepy for me, but at the same time I could not put it down. I just needed to know what was going on and what was going to happen. This novel almost made me feel like I was being paranoid about things.
I gave this book 5/5 stars. I would highly recommend it. Also, if you are a fan of The Twilight Zone I think you would like this book. The characters were interesting and unreliable, it was creepy, mysterious, it made me think throughout the whole novel because I had no idea what was coming. I can’t recommend this book enough. I also read Unspeakable Things by this author and I highly recommend that book as well. I hope in the future Jess Lourey writes more novels because I would 100% read them.
*April is an important month to me. Not only is it National Poetry Month, but it is also Sexual Assault Awareness Month. These two events collide in my world in an unfortunate way, but I am taking that pain and turning it in to something, that I hope in a way, can be beautiful. I am also taking control of what happened every time I write a poem. I know that what I write is not for everyone and I respect that, but I hope people can respect me and understand why I am writing these poems. Thank you to those who read and support my poetry and have nothing but positive things to say.*
Tonight when I cry the whole world will fall to its knees; tonight everyone will know the pain I feel; behind these walls I know I am nothing- but I try to pretend I am everything; when I cry tonight I will not promise myself this will be the last time; there is no shame in crying; no shame in reaching deep into yourself and prying out the broken; when I cry- do not tell me everything is okay- because nothing is okay right now; right now- my body needs to fall apart- in order to put herself back together; tonight- my body belongs to me- I will cherish every second she belongs solely to myself; the walls surround me; create a false hope of safety; the world outside is so big; behind these walls I know I am nothing- but I try to pretend I am everything.
With today being the start of a new month, it is that time again to look back on all of the books I read last month. Today’s post is dedicated to my March reading wrap-up! I kind of had a slow start to reading this month so I ended up only reading 7 books. The 7 books I read last month were:
- Underneath the Sycamore Tree by B. Celeste
- The Broken Girls by Simone St. James
- Nine Perfect Strangers by Liane Moriarty
- Crossing to Safety by Wallace Stegner
- My Daughter’s Mistake by Kate Hewitt
- The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein
- This Beautiful Life by Helen Schulman
These books were definitely a mix across genres. I kind of jumped all over the place last month. My favorite books I read last month are The Broken Girls and The Art of Racing in the Rain. I absolutely loved both of these novels. I was able to finish them both within about two days. I already wrote my review on The Broken Girls but keep an eye out for The Art of Racing in the Rain because that review will be coming soon. I would highly recommend both of these novels if you have not read them yet.
My least favorite book was easily This Beautiful Life. I had a lot of issues with that novel and I almost stopped reading it a couple of times. I will do a longer review on that book soon, but I will say here, I would not recommend that book. I know some people loved it, but I had issues with it.
Overall, I would say it was a pretty good reading month for me. I am hoping to read more this month and I look forward to seeing what my new favorites are at the end of April!
Historical fiction novels are typically a hit or miss for me. The Edelweiss Sisters by Kate Hewitt was one hundred percent a hit. I found it to be beautifully written, heartbreaking, but also there were a lot of happy moments throughout the novel, even through all of the devastation.
This book takes place in 1938 in Salzburg, when the Nazis are occupying Austria. Johanna, Birgit, and Lotte Eder have always lived quiet lives and kept to themselves. They help out their mother at home and help their father in his clock making shop. Their father hires Franz, a jewish man, to help him out in his shop. Johanna begins to fall in love with Franz, which puts the all in danger. Johanna and her sisters work together to get Franz to safety in Switzerland. By doing this they are risking everything. The three of them would die for each other, but now they are being tested to see if they are willing to die for what is right.
There was a lot of heartbreaking moments in this book, but it also showed the strength that people have when in dire situations. It also shows how when someone believes in something, how hard they will fight for it. These three sisters risked everything to help a man who they were still getting to know, but they ultimately knew it was the right thing to do. I found each of these characters to be incredibly strong, well written, and sympathetic. Like I mentioned earlier, historical fiction can be a hit or miss for me just because sometimes I find it to be a bit boring and I enjoy faster paced novels, but I really enjoyed this book. I have read other books by this author and this one is just so different from the others. I’ve enjoyed every book I have read by her, but this one I think may be my favorite so far.
I gave this book 3.5/5 stars. I would not hesitate to recommend this novel, especially if you enjoy historical fiction. This novel definitely left an impact on me and I thought about it for days after I read it. I look forward to reading more of Hewitt’s historical fiction novels in the future!
If you have not read The Broken Girls by Simone St. James yet, do yourself a favor and read it. I randomly picked this book for my Book of the Month box and I am so glad that I did. It was such an interesting read with lots of twists and I could not stop reading this book.
In Vermont 1950 Idlewild hall was a boarding school for “troubled girls”. There are rumors that this boarding school is haunted. Four roommates end up kind of bonding over this story and their friendship continues to grow until one of them seems to just vanish. Now it is 2014 and Fiona Sheridan is a growing journalist. in 1994 her sisters body was found on the abandoned grounds of Idlewild Hall. Even though her sisters boyfriend at the time was arrested and convicted of her murder, Fiona cannot stop thinking about it and feeling as if things just don’t add up. As Fiona continues to look into it and the history of Idlewild Hall, secrets that were meant to stay hidden begin to surface.
One of my favorite aspects of this book was the jumping between time periods. I felt that it added another element and made me want to keep reading even more. This novel was also told from multiple viewpoints, which I always think adds to the story. The characters were all strong and I was able to feel a connection with each of them. I read this book really quickly and could not put it down.
Overall I give this book 4/5 stars. Like I mentioned earlier, it had strong characters, an interesting plot, multiple viewpoints, and I enjoyed the jump between time periods. I can’t wait to read more books by this author. I imagine I’ll enjoy her other novels just as much as I enjoyed this one!
My Daughter’s Mistake by Kate Hewitt is a novel that challenged how I think about different things and my judgement on people. As soon as I read what it was about I was immediately drawn in. This is my third book by Kate Hewitt and I look forward to reading more.
This book takes place in a small college town in New Hampshire. It is a safe place to live. Everyone seems to know each other, or at least know of each other. One day Jenna’s six year old daughter, Amy Rose, is hit by a car that is being driven by seventeen year old Maddie. Maddie’s mom, Ellen, a college professor insists the whole thing must be an accident because her daughter is super careful and never distracted while driving. Both mothers seem to be hiding something though, as well as Maddie.
I read this book in about a day. I thought all of the characters were well written and I liked that the novel was told from the perspective of both Jenna and Ellen. I do kind of wish that we got to see Maddie’s perspective of everything as well, but I get that the story was supposed to mainly be about the two mothers. I felt the character development throughout the novel was also well done. This book really reminded me of a lot of Jodi Picoult’s novels.
I gave this book 3/5 stars. I thoroughly enjoyed this novel. My biggest issue is that there were a lot of typos and editing mistakes throughout the book and it did make it hard for me to get through the book at times because I felt like I was just constantly editing it in my head. Overall though, I felt it was a good read and I would recommend it to people who enjoy contemporary fiction and realistic fiction.
In February I read Not a Happy Family by Shari Lapena. While it was not my favorite book, I still found it to be entertaining and a good thriller. It only took me about two days to read the book because I just wanted to know what happened.
Fred and Sheila Merton own a beautiful home in Brecken Hill in upstate New York. This neighborhood is extremely expensive and you have to be rich to live there. The Mertons are brutally murdered the night after having Easter dinner with their three adult children. Their children are devastated about what happened to their parents. Or are they? With the death of their parents each of them are set to inherit millions, so the question is, would one of them be willing to kill for the money?
If you are interested in true crime at all, you know that murdering for money is a common motive. I love true crime so I love reading a novel like this, where it all feels so real. Some of the characters did really get on my nerves, but I almost felt like they were supposed to. Not every character in this novel was supposed to be likable. Throughout the book I kept feeling like I figured out who the murderer was, but then something else would happen and I would have to rethink everything. I liked that it was not super easy to figure out, but at the same time was kind of predictable.
I gave this book 3/5 stars. It was not my favorite book or favorite thriller I have ever read, but I did enjoy it. Like I said earlier, some of the characters really got on my nerves. That was probably the biggest downfall for me honestly. Even though I do think you were supposed to dislike some of the characters. I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend this book. I think people who like thrillers will really enjoy this book!
I am still at a loss of words for the book Her Final Words by Brianna Labuskes. It was a thriller, but it had other elements to it. I found the whole concept to be fascinating and really different from other books.
17 year old Eliza Cook seeks out FBI special agent Lucy Thorne to confess to a murder of a twelve year old boy. This seems like an open and shut case, but Lucy believes there is more to this. After Eliza confesses to the murder she refuses to share anymore details, or even talk. This forces Lucy to go to the scene of the crime, so she can uncover what really is going on in the small town Eliza has come from.
I love a book that is centered around a small town. This small town is not unlike others, there are a lot of secrets, people have a hard time accepting outsiders, and this one is also super religious. I really enjoyed this novel. It moved quickly, there were a lot of different elements to the story, and the characters were really strong. Like I mentioned earlier, I found this book to be really different from other books and I really liked that. As someone who reads a lot, sometimes books can all start to feel the same, but this one did not make me feel like that.
I gave this book 4/5 stars. I would highly recommend it. Especially to people who enjoy thrillers, or small town mysteries. I also enjoyed the authors writing style. I have read two books by Labuskes and I thoroughly enjoyed both of them and I look forward to reading more books by her!
Today’s blog is going to be dedicated to my February reading wrap-up! I did not read as many books this month as I did in January, but I still managed to read quite a few. In the month of February I read 8 books. Here are the 8 books I read:
- Every Last Secret by A.R. Torre
- The Edelweiss Sisters by Kate Hewitt
- One Year Gone by Avery Bishop
- Behind Closed Doors by B.A. Paris
- Girls of Glass by Brianna Labuskes
- Not a Happy Family by Shari Lapena
- The Woman in Cabin 10 by Ruth Ware
- Burned by Ellen Hopkins
This was not my best reading month ever, but I still think it was a pretty good one. None of these books were the best I ever read, but I did really enjoy pretty much all of them. My favorite book this month I would say is The Woman in Cabin 10 by Ruth Ware. I found it to be well written and an exciting thriller. I also really enjoyed Burned by Ellen Hopkins and I look forward to reading the sequel.
My least favorite I would say is Behind Closed Doors by B.A. Paris. I think I can handle books that are more disturbing or dark, but this one was even too much for me at times. I also felt the book ended super abruptly and I wish there were a little bit more to the ending. This book actually slowed me down quite a bit because it was so dark I had to read it slowly because at times it just became too much.
Overall, I would recommend each book that I read this month. I did not regret reading any of them or feel that any of them were a waste of my time. I will do more thorough reviews of each of these books throughout the month, so be on the lookout for that! I am excited to see how many books I read this month and if any of them will become my new favorite!
Wall of Silence by Tracy Buchanan was a super interesting read. It had me intrigued right from the start. As soon as I read the description I was hooked and could not wait to dive right in. This book held a lot of surprising elements and keeps the reader engaged from beginning to end.
One evening, Melissa arrives home to find her husband lying on the kitchen floor stabbed. Their three children are calmly standing around him and it does not take Melissa long to realize that one of them is responsible for this. Now her loyalties to her husband and children are torn, but quickly she makes the decision that she will do whatever it takes to protect her children, no matter the cost or consequences.
Throughout the book I kept thinking about, what would I do if I found myself in this situation? It is a tough choice to make, but I believe a lot of people would choose to protect their children, no matter what. At times I felt as if there were too many characters and it could become confusing, but overall I really enjoyed this novel. I thought the development throughout was well done, the characters were real and multi dimensional, and it kept me guessing throughout. I kept thinking I had it figured out, but then something else would happen and my prediction would be wrong and I would have to make a new one.
Overall, I give this book 3.5/5 stars. I would highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys thrillers. It was well written, the characters and the plot were well executed, overall it was a very enjoyable read. I would highly recommend and I look forward to reading more books by this author.
The Best of Friends by Lucinda Berry was a heartbreaking story about both friendship and motherhood. This novel contained very strong characters, a tragic story line, and just left me in tears.
Lindsey, Kendra, and Dani have been best friends for as long as they can remember. Now they are grown with children of their own. One night a tragic accident leaves one of their teenage sons dead, another in a coma, and the third too traumatized to speak. These three mothers plunge themselves into the investigation to try and figure out what caused this bizarre incident to take place. As the investigation moves forward they begin to learn things about their own sons that they never knew. Which leaves them questioning how well do they really know their own children? And how well do they even really know each other?
This book absolutely ripped my heart out and shattered my soul. The character development throughout the novel was really well done. As I read the novel I felt the growth of each character. This book was more than just a mystery. Of course I read it because I wanted to know what happened, but it went deeper than that. This book portrayed how far some people will go to keep a secret. It depicted jealousy, pain, secrets, burdens, motherhood, friendships. This book really faced a lot of prominent issues and took them head on.
I gave this book 4/5 stars. I thought it was written well and the characters were multi dimensional. I would highly recommend this novel, and not only to people who like thrillers. It honestly felt more like a contemporary fiction book to me than a thriller. I think everyone could get something out of this book.I have read a few books by Lucinda Berry and really liked them. I am excited to read more of her books!
Girls of Glass by Brianna Labuskes had such an unexpected ending to me, I can’t stop thinking about it. I love a thriller that at the end completely twists another way and surprises me. A lot of times I can figure out the ending before I get there, but this one I had no idea what was to come.
Sterling Burke is a powerful Judge in Florida. When his granddaughter goes missing it is all hands on deck to find her. For Detective Alice Garner, this case brings up a past trauma from her own life, the kidnapping and murder of her own daughter. Alice is reluctant to cast any blame on Charlotte Burke, the little girls mother, because she knows her position in this all too well. As detectives are working on the case they begin to pull up secrets from the family that they have buried from years. As time goes on they realize this family is not as perfect as it seems, but would one of them go as far as kidnapping a little girl to keep the secrets from coming out? And Alice’s own life is becoming tangled within this case and secrets and lies from her are beginning to surface.
I thought this book was well executed and well written. It was very different from so many thrillers I have read before. Even though most of the characters had a lot of characteristics that were unlikable, ultimately they were still likable. That can be super hard to achieve as an author, but Labuskes had no issues with that. As mentioned previously, the twist at the end ultimately really surprised me.
I gave this book 3.5/5 stars. I know some people really did not like it, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I didn’t find it to be unrealistic or that the ending was too much. I thought it was well thought out and something different from how these books typically go. I can understand where other people are coming from, but I really enjoyed it. I have read one other book by this author and I really enjoyed that as well. I definitely look forward to reading more books by her!
One Year Gone by Avery Bishop was a very interesting read. It was different and had a plot twist I wasn’t really expecting. I wouldn’t say it was the best book I ever read, but it was entertaining and a quick read.
Jessica Moore’s seventeen year old Daughter, Wyn, vanished a year ago. The police determine she is a run away and basically stop looking for her. Since it has been a year since her disappearance Jessica has given up hope that Wyn is going to come back. Except for one night, Jessica receives a few text messages from Wyn stating she is in danger, she thinks he is going to kill her, and her kidnapper wears a badge.
This book drew me in right from the beginning. I just wanted to find out what happened to Wyn. I found the characters in this book to be likeable and sympathetic. Especially Jessica, her pain was palpable throughout the novel. I also liked the multiple viewpoints and that you got to hear things from Wyn’s perspective leading up to her disappearance. The ending was ultimately a surprise to me. I didn’t really see it coming. It was definitely an interesting ending.
Overall I rated this book 3/5 stars. If you like thrillers and fast paced stories I would recommend this book. It is one of those books that is ultimately going to end up being a bit forgettable to me, but I am still glad I read it and I also would not hesitate to recommend it.
When She Returned by Lucinda Berry was such an interesting read. I read this book in 2021 and although it did not make it into my top five, it was one of the most memorable books I read last year. This book was different from a lot of thrillers I have read.
Eleven years ago Kate Bennett vanished from a Target parking lot. She left behind her husband and young daughter. She shows up one day at a gas station in Montana screaming for help while holding an infant. Investigators believe she may have been abducted by a cult. Kate’s husband is now remarried and her daughter barely remembers her. With Kate’s return they are all trying to navigate their new life while also figuring out what happened to Kate. Kate’s return though may not be the happy reunion they were all hoping for, as it seems she may have an ulterior motive.
I found this book to be so interesting. The whole cult aspect just fascinated me. The fact that seemingly intelligent people can be sucked into these cults, without question, is so interesting to me. This book was told from multiple viewpoints which I felt helped advance the story. This book kept me guessing until the end. I could tell Kate was up to something, I just could not figure out exactly what that was.
I gave this book 3.5/5 stars. The story line was interesting and different, the characters were likeable, but also mysterious in their own ways, and the twists kept you guessing throughout the novel. I would definitely recommend this book to people who like thrillers and mysteries. I think I read this book in about two days because I couldn’t wait to find out what was going to happen. I have read multiple books by this author and I would highly recommend her novels.
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Every Last Secret by A.R. Torre is a fast paced, easy to read, thriller. There was nothing groundbreaking about this book, but I thoroughly enjoyed it and it honestly did keep my guessing the whole time. When the twist came at the end I was actually a little bit surprised.
This novel follows the characters Cat Winthorpe and her husband William and their new neighbors, Neena and Matt Ryder. Cat has everything she could ever want. She has the perfect home, the perfect husband, they live in a great neighborhood and she doesn’t have to work because her husband runs a very successful business. Neena is their new next door neighbor, she also happens to be a new employee for William. Neena wants everything Cat has, including her husband. The question is, how far will Neena go to get it?
I love a good domestic, house-wife, rich neighborhood thriller. The exclusive, rich neighborhood story line always fascinates me because I have never lived somewhere like that or personally experienced it and every time I read a novel about it I can’t understand why people would want to live like this. Like I mentioned earlier, this was a fast easy read. I think I read the book in about a day. It was not the best book I ever read, but if you are looking for an easy thriller that is entertaining, that is exactly what this book is.
I gave this book 3/5 stars. I wouldn’t go out of my way to read it again, but I would recommend the book to people. The characters were interesting, the plot was good, the story seemed straight forward, but there was a good twist at the end. I am would like to read more books by this author and see how they compare.
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The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid is a book that I have seen everywhere. It feels like everyone has been talking about it and honestly it took me a while to actually read it because when a book gets that much hype it makes me nervous. I was worried that it was not going to be that good. After reading this book though, it deserves all of the praise it has received. This book was so good. It was honestly unlike anything I have ever read before.
Evelyn Hugo was a Hollywood movie icon from the 1950s to the 80s, when she made the decision to leave the industry. She has not done any interviews since she has left the industry. Suddenly she chooses to tell her story to an unknown magazine reporter, Monique Grant. Monique has no idea why Evelyn has chosen her to write her biography, but she wants to use this opportunity to jump-start her career. Throughout the novel Evelyn tells Monique the story of her life and answers all of the questions everyone is dying to know the answers to. Why was she married seven times? Who did she love the most? Why did she suddenly leave the industry? Why now is she choosing to do an interview? And the biggest question for Monique, why did Evelyn choose her to write her biography?
I cannot give enough praise to this book. I felt every possible emotion while reading this novel. The story was beautiful and unlike anything I have ever read. This was one of the first books I read this year and I have no idea if I am going to be able to top it. I loved the old Hollywood feel the book had, I loved the characters, and I loved the unexpected story-lines throughout. I honestly could see this book one day becoming a movie.
I give this book 5/5 stars. I would honestly give it more if I could. I cannot stop thinking about this novel. I wish I could read it again for the first time. I would highly recommend this book to anyone. If you only read one book this year, make it this one.
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A Flicker in the Dark by Stacy Willingham was just released on January 11th. As a member of Book of the Month I was able to get it in my December box, and because of the hype, I was super excited to read it. Unfortunately, this book kind of fell flat for me. At times I really enjoyed it, but I spent most of the time being really annoyed with the main character, which just made it a difficult read.
When Chloe Davis was twelve, six girls in her small town go missing in the beginning of summer. By the end of the summer Chloe’s father confesses to the crimes and is put in prison for life. Now it is twenty years later and Chloe is working as a psychologist and getting prepared for her wedding. She feels like she finally has her life together when suddenly local teenage girls start to go missing again.
I so wanted to love this book, but I just didn’t. I’m glad I read it, it just wasn’t my favorite. Honestly I would have enjoyed it a lot more if Chloe didn’t get on my nerves so much. I thought the plot twist was interesting, but at the same time I actually predicted it pretty early on in the book. I also wish it moved a little bit faster. There were also times where I felt there were unnecessary details included.
Overall, I would give this book 3/5 stars. It was good I just felt it was missing something. I have seen a lot of mixed reviews on this book, so it really just comes down to personal taste and what type of writing style you prefer. Like I said earlier, I am glad I read it and I think the plot was super interesting, it was just lacking something for me.
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I post a ton a lot of updates about what I am currently reading on there, as well as shorter reviews of books, so give it a follow if you want to be more up to date on what I am reading!
January felt literally like the longest month ever, but at the same time I am surprised it is already February. With the end of January, this post is dedicated to my January reading wrap-up! I read 12 books in January and honestly this was a great reading month for me. I read some of the best books I have ever read.
The twelve books I read this month were:
- Libertie by Kaitlyn Greenidge
- Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
- The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid
- No Time to Say Goodbye by Kate Hewitt
- When the Stars Go Dark by Paula McLain
- A Flicker in the Dark by Stacy Willingham
- Family Happiness by Laurie Colwin
- Mrs. Mike by Benedict Freedman
- It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover
- Layla by Colleen Hoover
- Reminders of Him by Colleen Hoover
- The Woman in the Window by A.J. Finn
Clearly, I went on a little bit of a Colleen Hoover binge towards the end. My least favorite on this list was definitely Layla by Colleen Hoover. Honestly, I don’t even know what to say about that book. I really did not like it. There is definitely an audience for it, but I’m definitely not it. I gave it 2/5 stars because I think there might be some redeemable qualities? But honestly, I don’t know. The book kind of broke my brain temporarily and I’m still trying to sort my thoughts from that book.
My favorite book was hands down The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid. Going into this my expectations were actually kind of low. I had been seeing the book everywhere and just kind of assumed the book was being over hyped, but that is definitely not the case. I would read that book over and over again if I could. If you do read it, I am just warning you now, be prepared to cry. I don’t cry a lot at books, but I sobbed at the end of this one. I can’t praise this book enough, so just do yourself a favor and read it.
There are some honorable mentions on this list as well. Reminders of Him was also really good and I sobbed at this book as well to be honest. I also cried at It Ends With Us so it was a big month of tears for me. If you are looking for a good historical fiction, coming of age novel, I would recommend Libertie I have not seen a lot about the book, but it deserves praise. I really enjoyed it and wouldn’t hesitate to recommend it.
I am excited to see what February brings and how many books I read this month. Especially with it being a shorter month. Let me know what you read this month! as always be sure to check out my instagram: @bookswithmadelyn to keep up to date with my current reads!
When the Stars Go Dark by Paula McLain was an absolutely beautiful book. First of all, the title immediately draws you in. Second, the writing in this book was stunning. The writing was poetic and I kept going back and rereading lines just to appreciate how beautiful the writing was.
This book tells the story of Anna Hart who is a missing persons detective. A terrible tragedy sends Anna back to her hometown so she can try to process and grieve. Shortly after arriving to her hometown she discovers there is a fifteen year old girl missing and Anna quickly joins in on the case. While investigating this crime it starts to remind Anna of one of her friends who went missing years before when they were both fifteen.
I loved this book. I thought the plot was good, Anna was a sympathetic character, plus this book actually dove deeper and used actual missing persons cases and trauma theory as well. The book even touched on what makes some people more susceptible to predators than others. That approach could have easily turned into victim blaming, but it never did, it was done tactfully and I was able to relate to it in some ways and also learn from it as well.
To me, a book isn’t complete unless I am able to take something away from it. Whether that be a lesson, or an understanding of others more, etc. I was able to take a lot from this book and even able to understand my own traumas more.
I highly recommend this book. It was well-written, fast paced, there were a lot of good characters, and it kept me guessing the whole time. In the end I was kind of able to figure it out, but there were still plot twists that I did not see coming and I always appreciate an extra surprise element. Overall, I give this book 5/5 stars. This is a book that I am going to carry with me for a while and I cannot recommend it enough.
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Family Happiness by Laurie Colwin was such a good read. It is one of those books where once you finish it you cannot stop thinking about it. The more I read literary fiction and contemporary fiction the more I fall in love with it. There is simplicity to the stories, yet the feelings you get from them is so much more than simplistic.
This book follows Polly who seems to come from the picture perfect family. She is married to a great guy who has built a wonderful life for himself and his family, she has two perfect children, her parents are successful and well-known in her community, and her siblings are also successful in their own ways. In so many ways Polly appears to have the perfect life, except for one big thing: she is in the midst of a love affair with a painter named Lincoln.
Throughout the entire book as a reader I could just feel everything Polly was feeling and going through. Polly was relatable and her pain was palpable. I loved the connection I felt with Polly even though I have never actually been through what she was experiencing. The question that kept coming up for me throughout the entire book was, is it possible for good people to have an affair? Obviously everyone will answer that question differently, but I do not think the answer is as simple as it would appear.
Based on the reviews I have read I know not everyone loves this book, but I have to say I really loved it. This book looked at the role of women as daughters, mothers, wives, and siblings and showed the pressure that can be created for these women to always have it together and to care about everyone else’s feelings whilst no one else really seems to care about theirs. At the end of the book I was actually sad to see Polly go and to no longer be apart of her journey.
I would highly recommend this book. It is a quick read, there are a lot of funny, dry humor moments, and the writing was beautiful. I give this book 4/5 stars and I definitely want to read more of Laurie Colwin’s books in the future.
I have been thinking a lot lately about time and how as a society we are always on the go. We hardly ever live in the moment or slow down and take in what is going on right in front of us. There is so much pressure to always be working hard and when you take a break or slow down for a bit I find I feel like a failure in some way because I am not working hard enough or because I need a break. I often find myself rushing from one thing to the next. One morning I was rushing through trying to get my morning started. I had taken out my dog, Ellie, I brought her back in and fed her and my cat, Fiona. I was trying to get my list of things I needed to do that day started, but when I walked by my bedroom I noticed Ellie was sitting on my bed trying her best to look out the window with Fiona. Fiona has no trouble getting up to the windowsill so she can look out the window, but Ellie can’t get up there on her own and she needs me to hold her there so she does not fall off of it (she is quite clumsy and has no spatial awareness). I had things that needed to get done, but watching Ellie sitting on my bed trying to see the little bit that she could through the window made me stop and slow down. I walked in to my room and asked Ellie if she wanted to look out the window. It is one of her favorite things to do and she knows what the question means. Immediately she started wagging her tail and running towards me so I could pick her up and put her up on the windowsill. It had snowed the night before and all Ellie and Fiona wanted to do was stare at the snow lying on the ground and balancing in the trees. I could see the joy radiating out of Ellie and it was coming from such a simple thing. This all made me stop and really appreciate just living in the moment and appreciating the small things. I know this all sounds so cliche, but I could have easily ignored Ellie and kept moving on with my day, but because I stopped and slowed down and gave her that little bit of joy, in turn, I was giving myself a little bit of joy. And time. And forgiveness. We can learn so much from dogs and in this moment I learned so much from Ellie. Sometimes, we need to just slow down and look out the window and find joy in even the tiniest of things.
Sometimes, the silence that lingers- says what we cannot; it holds a key to all of the unspoken words; the words no one wants to say; the ones we are too afraid to admit to ourselves; I know all about silence- it is where I am most comfortable; it is where I live most days; silence does not bother me the way it does others; I find comfort in it; I find myself in it; some think it is a bad thing I am quiet- and maybe it is; but it has never bothered me; sometimes others talk too much- some things are better left unsaid; I have learned to enjoy the silence; sometimes that is when you learn the most about others; you can see who others really are- when all there is- is silence.
I picture what could have happened when I told you the truth- my truth; the story that has kept a hold on me for as long as I can remember; I imagined the moment so many times; I wrote a narrative and created a character you would never be able to play; being upset at your reaction-was my fault really; I set you to impossibly high standards; my mind created a version of you that will never exist; when I told you the first time- and you hardly reacted- I should have just left it there; I should have buried the secret back down and never brought it up again; it was my fault really- for thinking you would rally behind me- when you never really cared for my presence in the first place- at one point you did though- which is why I tried to tell you the truth; I honestly thought you forgot I even told you; until one night you bring it up again; once again- it is my fault for feeling hopeful; my heart beating uncontrollably fast when I think you might try to help me; just the thought of you believing me makes the darkness feel less vast; instead- you ask me why I would make up something like that- why I would even say such a thing; I feel the darkness swallow me whole; that night I read a book- the main character tells her truth; everyone she tells believes her; everyone she tells wants to help her; at one point I started crying so hard I could not even see the pages anymore; when I finish the book I throw it against the wall- as the words- why would you make this up- echo throughout my mind; the first time I watched my body being taken I felt like I was not even in the room; afterwards, the pain I felt- felt like it could not possibly be mine; it felt as if it should belong to someone else; I now picture what I wanted to happen when I told you the truth; you listen to every word I say; you ask questions- but do not get angry when I choose not to answer; you tell me you believe me; when I cry- you just let me; you tell me you believe me; it is so good to finally feel at home.
The moon never apologizes for how much-or how little light she decides to cast upon the night; so I will learn from her and try to stop apologizing for the way I show up in my life; it was a Tuesday afternoon and I was crying; I was not crying from anything bad-for what felt like the first time in forever- I was crying from laughing so hard; we both started laughing and at some point it developed into tears and now neither of us can breathe in the best way; it is in these moments I realize the strongest things always make it through; there are so many days where the sadness camps itself inside of my heart and I cannot get her to go away; but the happiness is determined to push through; and when I really need her to show up- somehow she always does; there are bad things- but I am working on not letting it dictate the good; my happiness is all there is to separate him from me; he may have taken many things from me the night he took my body; but I will work on not letting him take it all away; I am standing in the middle of my new apartment- the one I worked hard for- the one so many people told me I would not be able to get- and I think of all of the people who have told me I would never be successful; I envision all of the nights where giving up seemed like the best option- sometimes the only option- and right now I am so glad I never gave up; I am learning there will always be people who will doubt your ability; there will always be people who want more from you than you are able to give; but in the end the right people will always show up; the right people will always be happy for you and support every decision you make; it is a Tuesday afternoon and the world does not feel like it is closing in around me; it is a Tuesday afternoon and I will accept the happiness and try to not diminish it; the moon never apologizes for how she shows up; and from now on- I will try to not either.
I live in a body that was never really mine; I count backwards from ten- try to find the number that will make all of this mean something; try to find the number that will convince me that all of this is okay; my assault is a story told in three parts; part one- your love is unconditional; you come to save me from the wreckage- you promise me you love me; you promise me you will not hurt me; I believe every word you say- even when I know better; part two- your anger begins to explode into small moments throughout the day; your dislike for me slowly becoming the loudest thing in the room; you tell me you know what is best for me; tell me you are helping me; you tell me I am always wrong- yet you still tell me that you love me; still promise me you will never hurt me; I still believe every word you say; part three- you steal my body from me- claim it as your own; when I feel you inside of me- I have to pretend to just not; I spend hours in the shower scrubbing away your touch; call a rape crisis hotline- hang up on the first ring; call again and again- only to just keep hanging up; I write down all of the reasons it is my fault; I ice the bruises- wash all of the wounds you left behind; try to call the hotline just one more time- but the fear and shame are just too persistent; the walls collapse around me- I see your face every time I close my eyes; there is a forgetfulness that takes over the memories- a wall that closes around my mind; I wish to forget every detail- yet I am fighting to remember any of the details; I call the hotline one last time- when the person on the other end reminds me I am not alone- I want to tell her that that is the problem- instead I just hang up; I check all of the locks three times; I look for the moon through my window- make sure she can see inside; I promise the moon I will make it to the morning; I follow the moon on my drive every morning; I thank her for getting me through another night; before I start my day- I count backwards from ten- try to find the number that will make all of this mean something; try to find the number that will convince me that all of this is okay- learn to accept- that maybe I will never be okay.
I trace the flowers planted out front; breathe in the love you once so seamlessly provided; it was just a spilled glass of water- yet always so much more to you; I return to the site of ache every night my foot touches the doorstep; I open the front door- careful not to keep it open for too long- for fear all of the bones of trauma that live here will tumble out; my body covered by the hands of your shame; I pray to the stars in the night sky- pray one day there will be a way out; behind these walls- only loneliness exists; I drown over and over again in the secrets I keep for you; I feel the ache between my thighs- the only proof I have you were ever here; my rib snaps in half; I offer you a part of it- I give you pieces of me in hopes it will feel less like you are taking all of me; guilt builds a home inside of my body- she invites shame to occupy every space you have not touched; when the blood comes- I will ignore it for as long as possible; the door to your love has been locked for a long time now; I follow the destruction you always leave behind; I carve more pieces out of my body for you; I spend nights scrubbing away your touch; to live in a body that has been raped- is to live with a silent ache only I will ever know is there; some of us can build a house made of stone- turn the trauma into strength; but what are you supposed to do- when the trauma seems to be breaking you- instead of making you stronger; what happens when you cannot build a house out of stone; what happens when you are simply too tired to rebuild what once was; how do you rebuild yourself- when you cannot follow the narrative everyone else has written; my body hollow and bruised; loneliness lives in every corner; I say goodnight- and I try to not mean goodbye; I watch my body being taken from me night after night; day after day; I watch the shame wash over me- she haunts me through every room I enter; my nightmares occupied by your face; I try to scream- but no sound ever seems to come; I cling to the idea that this is all just a dream- but the quiet ache always returns; I am bruised and broken; my soul damaged; I return to the site of ache- breathe in once- quietly push the door open- careful not to keep it open for too long- for fear all of my secrets- your secrets- will tumble out; my body always covered by the hands of your shame; to live in a body that has been raped- is to never fully own your body again.
We live with trust printed on the back of our hearts; drowning in all of your words hoping to believe the truth lies somewhere in them; your words left wounds; the same way your love does; it is not that I do not believe in your love; it is more that I stopped believing you when you told me you loved me; I think about your family often; I wonder if they miss you; or at least miss who you once were; but will never be again; I try to scrub myself clean of the memories of you; try to make all of the parts of me you have touched disappear; when the light comes shining in through my window just right- it almost does look like you love me; I do not know why I want you to love me; it would be much easier if you did not; it would be much easier if I would not let myself drown in all of the lies you cover me in; it is not that it always feels so impossible to fully love you; it is more that it feels like you want me to love you more than anything; yet you never want to reciprocate any of this love; I drag your love onto the grave site that sits on my heart; I worship the ghosts of the love that you were at one time able to provide; I wish over and over that you will one day turn back into the person you once were; I still drown in all of your words while I tirelessly search for the truth; believing it has to be hidden somewhere in there; no matter how far it is hidden- there are so many days where I am still determined to find it; determined to turn the wounds your love leaves back into anything else; I still look for the light to shine through just right- to prove the person you once were- still exists somewhere; even if it is hard to find.
This sadness is the gospel I worship every night; thoughts of ending it all race through my mind- more often than I would ever care to admit; I know too many people believe I choose this; there are so many days where I question whether or not I am making it all up; I worry what if I do like the suffering; maybe all of this suffering is what makes me interesting; I wonder what I would be without this sadness; what would happen if the trauma were to disappear; there are different things that make us whole; so many parts that make up who we are; what are you supposed to do when the parts of you that scare everyone else- make up most of who you are; I do not know who I would be without the skeletons of my trauma following me into every room I enter; the brokenness builds a home out of me; making me whole in a way others will never understand; when you have been broken for so long- sometimes it feels as if there is no other way too be; I am saying all of this to tell you- I am sorry if all of this is too much for you; I am sorry if my sadness makes you uncomfortable; I am working on building homes out of the happy moments; but it will take some time; the body has to build a tolerance to everything; and for now- my body is trying to figure out how to hold happiness.
Sometimes I feel the more I think about it the more control he has over me; if I pretend it never happened- maybe I can convince myself it never actually happened; no matter what the scars on my soul tell me; no matter how many nightmares I have; if you keep hiding from the truth- you might be able to convince yourself of anything; I convince myself that something else happened that night- anything else happened that night; except convincing yourself never really works- but what is the harm in pretending; what is the harm in ripping the truth out of yourself and throwing it into the ocean; hoping with each wave the truth of what happened will drown a little bit more; my truths cover the entire ocean floor now; when you swim in the ocean- be careful not to cut yourself on the shards of my secrets.
When I was 8 years old every girl in my class had a crush on a boy named Timmy; of course I said I did too- because the way they talked about him made it seem like he placed all the stars in the night sky; made it seem like if I did not like him- there was something wrong with me; I stared at him everyday of second grade trying to figure out why I could not see it; trying to figure out why I could not feel what every other girl so easily felt; that was the year I realized I was different; people do not always like different; from that year on I have buried myself so far into the closet there are days where sometimes I have to make sure that the door is still able to open; I have hidden this secret in the dark house of my bones and have let the shame of it nearly kill me; there are so many days I promise myself I will take this secret to the grave with me; from that year on I have become a girl who is made up of apologies; this closet keeps getting darker and darker; I cannot quite decide if I am more terrified of the dark; or the guilt and shame that always seem to come with it.