My Silence and the Moon

The world will leave you behind if you do not fit into it; the moon though- she will always pay attention; she will love you through the brokenness; she will follow you through the abandonment; my voice will forever fail me- but the moon will not mind; she will not anger because of my silence; there appears to be a sleeping beast in everyone- my silence the key to awakening; he touched me and took everything from me; he moved inside of me and took my voice away with him; I lie in the loneliness of it all; my silence a religion I was baptized into without a choice; I stare into the bleakness willing someone to understand- my voice is gone- I am worried it may never come back; I pray this time my silence will not bring any beast to life; I hope someone will understand this silence; people say my silence speaks volumes; I just do not think it is speaking the same language everyone seems to believe in; there never seems to be a right way for trauma to come to life; the moon my only companion; the only one who never seems to expect anything from me; my body betraying me once again as she locks all of the words inside; when someone demands me to speak- I see his face; the world goes black; my breath gone; the beast is coming to life in front of me; I fail to keep the terror away; everyday I find more and more things he has taken from me; maybe one day I will no longer fear everyone who has control over their voice; maybe one day I will no longer fear the ones who demand to hear mine; I search for the moon in the night; she whispers to me that everything will be okay; I breathe in her light until my breath is steady; as my tears slow I sit with the moon; I know even without hearing my voice- she is listening to every word I am saying; the moon does not demand anything from me; she will not care if I never speak another word again; I fall asleep under the moonlight- in this moment I know- this is the safest I will ever feel.

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